As a parent, you say things that would never be spoken by another person, except perhaps if you are playing Mad Libs. It is an almost constant battle between laughing at your hilarious child and trying to formulate real thoughts into real words that form an actual conversation. Just the other day, I had rushed in from doing about 10 errands, had to drop off groceries, find some lunch, get my toddler to bed, write down some thoughts for this blog post and then rush back out the door to pick up my baby at my mom’s and go to a tea party. (Oh thank goodness I finally got to have some tea after all of that!) In the midst of all that, my husband was trying to ask me a very simple question that in years past I could have answered with ease. On that day, however, all I was coming up with was a blank stare and a twitch as I tried to do a few tasks, answer my toddler’s question, feed a baby and concentrate on being an adult all at the same time.
Here is my top 10 list of things I have said out loud in the past month to our toddler:
1. “Stop tickling me with your food!”
2. “Your favourite animal is a slimy dragon covered in cream?”
3. “Don’t honk your sister’s nose!”
4. “A poopy bum on the couch is not a good idea!”
5. “I do not smell skunky!”
6. “Don’t throw tiny bear down the stairs or you will break his legs!”
7. “Thank you for playing a concert for me while I was in the bathroom.”
8. “Yay! We get to drive past the big tooth today!”
9. “Maybe the train just dropped the pirates off at home.”
10. “Okay…eat your ghost!
…and here is my #1 most hilarious, can’t believe it left my mouth quote from being a parent so far…
A pee sandwich? No, if you get pee on your sandwich, I’d throw it out!”
So, the next time you are talking to a mom and it takes her a minute to answer your perfectly normal, adult question, just remember that she has spent at least half her waking hours talking about dragons, stuffies, pirates and the bathroom.
Toddlers have their own arsenal of crazy things they say, too. While I have a whole slew of funny Jackson quotes, I thought I would share my top 2 unknowingly scary things that he has said, both in the last few months.
Scene: Jackson is playing in the living room, and Claire is laying on her floor mat. I am in the kitchen, and the kids are not in view.
J: (frantically, panicked) “What’s that guy doing in our house?! I don’t like him! What is he doing in our house?!”
As a mom, I feel torn between fright and saving my child, but, of course, I choose to save my child. I come into the living room… “What? What guy??”
J: “That spider…right over there!”
Ps. I couldn’t even find/see a spider. Heart attack for quite literally nothing.
Scene #2: Jackson and my husband are upstairs for bedtime. The room is dark, just one little lamp on.
“Good night Jackson.”
“Good night… Oh, daddy. Can you get the boogie man?”
“Aww, kiddo, you know what the boogie man is?”
“Yeah, daddy, it’s right over there.” (points to shelf in corner)
(Hubby looks over, starting to freak out) “Uh, what?”
“Right there, I see it on the white shelf.”
(Hubby starts breathing heavily…)
Turns out, my hubby hadn’t turned on any music yet for Jackson (he listens to music as he falls asleep), and he wanted the cd with this song on it…
Ps. Our son doesn’t actually know anything about the “boogie man.”